let’s talk pt. 2

hello hello! i hope everyone is doing well and focusing on themselves before school starts. getting back into a routine can be difficult but YOU GOT THIS! welcome back to let’s talk (august edition)! it was so beautiful to connect with so many more of you and hear each and every one of your unique stories. always so grateful to be with you all on your journeys. here are some questions that were chosen to be shared publicly. together we experience. together we learn. together we grow.

1. “whenever im at a social event i can never seem to strike up a conversation and then i always feel left out”

social interactions are essential and sometimes shyness tarnishes that part of life away from people. it can be even more frustrating when people tell you to just…not be shy. easier said than done :) luckily, there are some ways to learn more about why certain situations make you feel shy — and how to overcome them so you feel less left out and more confident.

start small: stepping too far out of your comfort zone can be overwhelming so don’t jump straight into…public speaking. instead, set small goals to get you out of your shell. whether this be making small talk with someone at school or even talking to a family member, these interactions can help build confidence and calm your nerves
not everyone is looking at you: people aren’t paying attention to every move you make. your shyness may try to convince you that everyone notices your mistakes, but the truth is people are often more focused on how THEY appear rather than those around them. there’s no spotlight :)
try not to self-sabotage/avoid social situations: we can often be our own worst enemy. one bad social interaction doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of one day becoming more comfortable in social settings. it’s easy to be disappointed in yourself, but remember that nobody can be perfect right away. you deserve to overcome shyness and build confidence! it’s important to not let your inner critic tell you otherwise. when you’re shy, it’s definitely tempting to avoid scary situations. but, when we don’t socialize, we put ourselves at risk of serious mental health issues and social isolation. try to stay brave, confident, and make an effort to see people. i promise shyness is not chronic with the right people.
name it: identifying when you start to feel shy can help you learn from it in the future. what does your shyness do to you in social settings? does your body language change? do you struggle to make eye contact? if you know why you start to act shy, you can look for ways to break the cycle. it’s not necessarily crucial to identify where your shyness stems form (lack of confidence, bad experience, etc.), but it does help to locate and challenge any negative inner voices that might be exacerbating the situation.
surround yourself with supportive people: when those around you are not judgmental of your shyness, you’ll feel better about yourself. you may even feel empowered to step outside of your comfort zone when you have people cheering you on. don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. mend your garden and the butterflies will come (one of my favorite quotes!)

being shy isn’t a bad thing. you don’t need to change who you are to succeed. but if you want to strengthen your social skills and maybe relieve some anxiety, you can!

2. “tips for staying organized”

organization. is. so. important. you’re likely to get more things done, stay on track, and you will have less anxiety seeing your tasks being checked-off one by one. here are some apps and tricks that i highly recommend for staying on top of things (especially as we move closer to the start of the school year)

APPS

notion
mindlist
be focused (25 minute timer — look up pomodoro technique)
daily/monthly planner (amazon)

TIPS

learn to manage your time (time blocking, timeboxing, pomodoro technique)
prioritize your most important work
delegate tasks (eisenhower matrix)
declutter the space you will be working in

3. “i feel guilty for feeling hurt when i know other people have it worse”

you don’t have to be carrying the heaviest burden for your struggles to matter. it doesn’t quite matter if other people have it “worse.” us thinking that offers a comparison between our own experiences and the experience of other’s…and those are incomparable because we’re different people! there’s no rule that only the person with the worst possible circumstances gets to vocalize their pain. your struggle isn’t “easier” or “more difficult.” it’s just different! pain is pain. feelings are feelings, no matter what they look like or how they manifest themselves. so it doesn’t matter if they’ve lost more or hurt for longer. if something is painful for you, then it’s painful for you! if it affects you, it’s clearly important and it matters. you’re allowed to be affected and hurt. you’re allowed to feel broken and sad. and you deserve a space to talk about it to express your thoughts and feelings. you deserve to be seen and heard. always. no one ever fully understands the internal battles we endure just to heal and grow. so also try to feel proud of the way you fought and learned so much about yourself just to push through on your journey. you are extremely strong, keep going!

4. “affirmations to tell yourself”

if you follow positivU’s instagram, you know i love nothing more than a good old affirmation. i will often share the post-it notes i make with the affirmations on them to remind you all that it’s not weird to give yourself little reminders to start your day off right. and the beautiful thing about affirmations is that they’re curated for you and your needs. if you’re feeling anxious one affirmation may help, while if you’re feeling upset at yourself, another may help. it all has to do with what you need to hear and remind yourself of. i’ll post some below to hopefully spark some inspiration for you all!