oh boy…relationships
i’ve gotten so many questions from you all regarding relationships, that i decided to make a post dedicated to them. here are some of the most frequent questions i’ve received with some hopefully helpful advice below!
1. “I’m getting tired of waiting. I just want to be in a relationship already”
don’t worry so much about rushing into a relationship. don’t worry so much about who’s going to love you, or how they’re going to love you, or when you’re going to find love. it’ll come when the time is right. it can reach you at your best and it will meet you at your worst. there is no reason to believe that love cannot find you.
one day, you will be acquainted with someone where the love you have for them is matched. but, life is way too short to be waiting for this moment to happen. right now, try to love yourself wholly. be good to your own heart and value all that your mind and body do for you. break the patterned thoughts that you’re “not good enough” and “not worthy of love.” that’s not the case. when the time is right, someone will walk into your life and you want to be in the right headspace to let them in. but, for now, there is more to life than chasing after such a relationship. go out with your friends! laugh until your stomach aches! have a self-care day! go on a beautiful, long, healing walk! be there for yourself, until your journey leads you to someone else’s path.
2. “I’m in such an unhealthy relationship, but the thought of leaving them makes me sick to my stomach”
sometimes we hold on because we haven’t healed. because we would rather be with someone who makes us feel lonely than to actually be alone. sometimes, we hold on because it is easier to fill our voids with another human being, even when they do not understand us, even when they cannot value us, because we are still learning how to value ourselves.
letting go is seriously one of the hardest things you may have to experience. but at the end of the day, keeping someone in your life who makes you question yourself, who makes you feel like you are too much, who asks for you to quiet yourself— well that’s just the greatest injustice you will ever impart on yourself. you deserve to be surrounded by people who nourish you and challenge you. it’s important to cut those ties, even when it’s hard, even when you don’t want to face the loss, because it is within that hardship that you will learn how to choose yourself.
sometimes two people, no matter how hard they try to make it work, just aren’t meant to be. love can do strange things to you, but it shouldn’t ever make you forget your worth. trust me, when you least expect it, someone great will come along. someone that will teach you all the things you got wrong about love. some people are just here to teach us a lesson. we must not regret these loves, but be thankful for them. when you finally cross paths with the right person, everything will feel different. you’ll just know! be patient and don’t settle for less, because you deserve the world.
it took me a long time to realize that not everything in life is meant to be a beautiful story. not every person we feel something deep and moving with is meant to make a home within us and is meant to be a forever. sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how to love; and sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us how not to love. how not to settle, how not to shrink ourselves ever again. sometimes people leave — and that’s okay! because their lessons always stay, and that’s what maters. that’s what remains.
3. “I let go, but can’t stop thinking about them”
think about it like this: your favorite songs always end. the credits of your favorite movie will always roll. this post you’re reading will come to a close. does this mean you will stop listening to music, stop watching movies, stop reading these blog posts? shouldn’t we treat people the same way? people change. WE change. who we are when we got into a relationship may no longer exist. and after a little while when you choose to let go, you can adore them from a distance and wish them well. some people are only meant to be loved for a little while, and that’s okay.
now here’s the hard truth we might have to accept: none of us want to think of ourselves as works in progress. we want everything to happen instantaneously: falling in love, falling out of it, letting go of what we know we ought to leave in the past and moving on to whatever comes next. we hate the in-between spaces — the times when we’re okay but not quite there yet. the periods where we suspect that growth is happening but have nothing to show for it. the days when everything feels like it’s falling into place and yet we still go home and cry because there’s nobody to share our good fortune with. if success is a staircase, we are eternally taking two steps forward and one step back. that’s fine! that’s how we keep ourselves in check.
we have to be patient with ourselves as we move through the parts in between: the where we’ve been and where we’re going. and it’s okay to not be there yet. it’s okay to be unsure of every step that you take forward. we don’t talk about how moving on sometimes feels like we’re fighting every part of our most basic instincts…but we should. we should talk about how growth is often every bit as painful as it is beautiful. because growth and letting go are so complexly intertwined that we often only see one or the other. we forget that they can coexist — releasing the old while letting in the new. if we’d only stop beating ourselves up over it, we might realize just how far we’ve already come. you are human. it’s not always as simple as making one decision and never looking back.
basically…the hardest thing you will have to do in life is to let go of the people you may want to hold onto. sometimes, you will have to settle for loving someone from a distance, and that’s okay. because if you cannot show up for another human being the way you know you should, if someone cannot love you the way you need to be loved right now, if circumstance or space or the messiness of life is getting in the way of giving your whole self and nothing less than that to another human being, then you have to be honest. do not suffocate your love. do not ignore the way someone makes you feel about yourself in order to keep them in your life. don’t ask for something to be more than it can be right now. instead, appreciate it for what it was, appreciate the lessons it grew within you, appreciate the beauty you were able to feel, and appreciate the fact that in those ways, you are ready to slowly move on.
relationships are not easy! they’re messy, complicated, but can become something beautiful. but remember…your happiness comes first. focus on loving yourself, REALLY loving yourself, and seeing your value and worth. you don’t need someone to fix you or put you together. and you don’t have to wait for another person to live your life. your life is already here, ready, and waiting for you. and with or without a partner, you’re already worthwhile and lovable and enough.
hope this was somewhat helpful! remember to take care of yourself and know that you are worthy of the love you keep giving to everyone else.
xo,
eliza
