imposter syndrome
hi everyone! sorry for the major delay in posting. january is always that month where you feel behind in everything and sometimes taking a step back from the chaos and re-evaluating your habits and routines is necessary. throughout the month, i’ve done a lot of reflection about the year ahead and what i wish to change and thought it would be important to talk about a feeling some of us may have in common: imposter syndrome.
i never really heard about it until two summers ago when i attended a summer research program that i (miraculously) got into. i felt like an imposter when i initially met the other kids who had gotten in; they had won multiple science fair competitions, owned patents for their creations, and given ted talks…all by the age of 17. and what did i do? absolutely nothing except have a passion for science, i guess. but it’s clear that when you compare the two, they don’t quite add up. so yeah, i was pretty confident i got in because of some fluke in the system or because fate wanted me to meet some pretty amazing people for 6 weeks.
there were times throughout the program where i was able to do some really cool research, but i always came up with an explanation for why the evidence was unreliable or insignificant.
somehow, i believed that i was both terrible at research, and also excellent at the skill of seeming great at it; i believed i was both much less competent than the exceptionally smart friends i met, and also that they weren’t smart enough to realize that i… was a fake. some truly ridiculous contradictions…i know!
thankfully, i’ve come a long way in overcoming my imposter syndrome. but i’ve met a lot of people struggling with the same things in the process — people who’ve noticed ways their imposter syndrome has seriously curtailed their impact (and their wellbeing) — and i’ve come to suspect that imposter syndrome might be more common, and especially more harmful, than i thought.
so, let’s break it down and overcome it together!
“i got lucky.” “i don’t belong here.” sound familiar? many of us have experienced feelings of doubt and unworthiness at some point in our lives. but when your accomplishments are a result of your own knowledge, hard work, and preparation and you still feel inadequate...you may have some sort of impostor syndrome. and when it gets in our head, an avalanche of insecurity and self-sabotage can overwhelm our everyday thoughts. it’s scary! and a lot of you have even shared how it feels like every achievement is a false positive, a result of good luck or coincidence, and it creates a constant fear of being discovered, or being outed as a fraud — hence the name.
it goes beyond that, though. we shouldn’t reshape and change our experiences just to fit this one square that says “oh, you have imposter syndrome!” this feeling can manifest in many different ways and that’s why Dr. Valerie Young has helped define other types of “imposters”:
perfectionist
perfectionists are focused on how things should be done, how everything must be perfectly executed, and any flaw can call their competence into question. perfectionists tend to set extremely high goals and achieving an outcome or completing a task is never enough. perfectionism results in feeling unsatisfied no matter how much hard work you put in.
underlying emotion: fear of losing control
expert
experts are afraid of being perceived as unknowledgeable. they need validation. asking questions or speaking their minds during meetings is just creating a potential opportunity to unveil their lack of knowledge.
underlying emotion: fear of inadequacy
natural genius
for this group, a failed first attempt is a clear indicator that they just don’t have the skills and talent. natural geniuses expect to get everything right on the first try. struggles and difficulties along the way just make them think that maybe what they’re pursuing just isn’t for them. if they didn’t get it right, they failed.
underlying emotion: shame of failing
soloist
they must do everything themselves. for soloists, asking for help is shameful and a sign of weakness. accomplishments have to be personal and on their own terms. the soloist is not willing to ask for help, regardless of the situation. asking for help can leave them vulnerable and expose what they don’t know or can’t do.
underlying emotion: shame in asking for help
a superhuman
they push themselves to work as hard as needed to prove they can handle every role and every detail in life. if they’re not performing at 100% across all of these responsibilities, they have failed. this type thrives in showing off their ability to take on a lot of work in a short period of time. they try to prove that they are capable of handling anything.
underlying emotion: fear of taking time away from work for personal fulfillment
there is a clear pattern across all of these variants: the fear of failure.
so, how do we overcome imposter syndrome?
1. combatting low self-esteem
through reflection, i found how low self-esteem biased my thinking in ways that made it really difficult to develop an accurate view of myself. for example, through things like:
catastrophizing: assuming the worst is true, or the worst will happen without evidence (i.e. i didn’t get the job i applied for, so i’ll probably never get an important job)
all-or-nothing thinking: thinking in black-and-white terms when there’s lots of grey in between (i.e. if i’m not a brilliant writer, i’m a terrible one)
unrealistic standards: having an unrealistically high bar for success (i.e. i’m not good at my job unless every project i work on is perfect)
selective attention: focusing only on negative evidence (i.e. a mix of positive and negative feedback translates to “i’m doing a bad job”)
overgeneralizing: taking evidence about one thing and applying it to a broader set of things (i.e. i gave a presentation and it didn’t go well; i’m bad at giving presentations)
discounting positive evidence: finding reasons not to believe positive evidence (i.e. i only got into a good program because of luck or coincidence and not because of my passion, hard work, and dedication in science classes)
scanning: searching for evidence of the thing we fear (i.e. re-living memories of interviews to focus on what went poorly)
jumping to conclusions: assuming a certain (often extreme) conclusion from only a small amount of information could mean lots of different things (i.e. interpreting a lack of explicitly positive feedback from a colleague on your work as a sign that they thought it was bad overall)
i found i was doing almost all of these and was applying them asymmetrically: there was one set of standards for myself, and a whole separate set — a more generous one — for everyone else. and together, my unhelpful behaviors and my biased thinking meant i was locked into a self-reinforcing imposter syndrome cycle. uh oh!
here’s what helped: instead of resisting or being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or feelings, accept them. you don't have to like them. just allow yourself to feel them.
negative thoughts don't need to be controlled, changed or acted upon. aim to lessen their power on your behavior.
these steps might seem awkward at first, but they'll get easier with practice, i promise! and don’t forget journaling is your friend. recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that affect low self-esteem allows you to change the way you think about them (#mindset). this will help you accept your value as a person. as your self-esteem increases, your confidence and sense of well-being are likely to increase as well. so, be sure to take care of yourself, do things you truly enjoy, and spend time with the people who make you feel good about yourself.
2. decouple your self-worth from your productivity and impact
internalize that you have intrinsic worth no matter how productive you are or how much impact you have. i think this is important for two reasons: 1) it’s true, and 2) by working to cultivate a sense of unconditional self-acceptance, you’ll be able to look at your abilities with a curiosity-oriented, truth-seeking mindset — instead of with your entire self-worth riding on a particular outcome.
on top of that…many people who suffer from impostor syndrome are high achievers; people who set extremely high standards for themselves and are committed to doing their best and being the best. but, perfectionism only feeds into your impostor syndrome. when you feel like a fraud, it's usually because you're comparing yourself to some *perfect* outcome that's either impossible or unrealistic.
not only can no one do everything perfectly, but holding yourself to that standard can actually be super counterproductive. at some point, you need to take a step back and ask yourself: when is good enough good enough?
3. the SBNRR technique
this technique can help you slow down and consider the situation — and your own thoughts, feelings, and reactions — more mindfully.
Stop: allow yourself to stop in your tracks and take a moment to pause
Breath: give yourself a deep breath and let your thoughts go and not be attached to them
Notice: notice your feelings, your body, your surroundings, your peers, the situation, your reaction, and anything else that you can observe
Reassess: evaluate the situation and the reason you felt a need to fall into the imposter syndrome
Respond: react intentionally. it can be more informed and composed now that you have calmed your thoughts and reflected on the situation.
4. be kind to yourself
practice self-compassion. now that you understand where the doubt and inadequacy come from, give yourself credit and compassion for how far you’ve come. you are a human. humans make mistakes. you will, too. practicing self-compassion will help you tame your inner critic. and remember, you are not alone.
none of these steps are easy. they require a lot of strength and a lot of bravery.
but being convinced that you’re an imposter doesn’t just come with a huge personal cost — it might also be preventing you from doing as much good as you are actually capable of. that certainly was the case for me.
i’m by no means cured of my imposter syndrome. i still feel imposter-y fairly often — including, ironically, while writing this blog.
but i’m a lot closer to finding out how to best use my strengths than I was two years ago — two-years-ago eliza didn’t even know that she would have her own blog!
so, if you think you might be suffering from imposter syndrome, taking some of the steps above to overcome it might just be the most important thing you can do right now.
take baby steps, question your thoughts, and refuse to let it hold you back. you CAN do this!
hope everyone is taking care of themselves and doing the best that they can each day (because that’s all we can do).
i’m here for you always (which is a small hint that let’s talk pt. 6 is coming out next week) and i’ll see you soon!
hugs from NY,
eliza
